Evidence for God: Prayer
- Adrian Espinosa
- Jul 25, 2023
- 4 min read
“And when you pray, you must not be like the hypocrites. For they love to stand and pray in the synagogues and at the street corners, that they may be seen by others. Truly, I say to you, they have received their reward. But when you pray, go into your room and shut the door and pray to your Father who is in secret.”- Matthew 6:5-6 ESV
Prayer :
A : an address (such as a petition) to God or a god in word or thought
B: an earnest request or wish
(Merriam-Webster)
When it came to my own personal encounter and decision if God was real or not, I decided to start with what I thought was simple; prayer.
From my experience of protestantism and catholiciscim, I saw prayer as either free flowing or ritualistic. I saw the ritualistic prayers as ancient and outdated and free flowing prayers felt more like wishes rather than actually talking to God.
As I grew older trusting in prayer became easier as I began to see God continually answer the prayers from family members and those within churches on an unusual basis. So prayer became more of a normality and I began to think, “maybe He does exist”.
That was until He didn’t answer my prayer, for something I thought He could do. Save someone from cancer.
My grandmother was diagnosed with cancer and initially I believed that God would heal my grandmother through prayer. She was a kind, God fearing, and loving person, so she must deserve to be healed, right? Why wouldn’t He?
But as the months progressed, the cancer and its treatment began to deteriorate her body. I slowly watched my grandmother shrivel and decay from an active and loving individual, to skin and bones with a soft breath.
I began to pray everyday, beg every night, and hope that He would come to heal my grandmother.
He said and did nothing.
In the end, she died after months of agony and passed in her sleep. I was convinced, if there was a God, He wasn’t here. He didn’t care for me or anyone. A good woman’s life was gone and all that remained was His silence.
I became convinced that as long as I pretended to be a Christian I'd be okay if He existed, just in case. But if God was real, He didn’t have my genuine attention. So I lived a life of self depreciation, self pleasure, and hypocrisy. Every time I did something I knew was wrong I would say I “repent” and then do the same thing again. Better to play it safe than to accidentally end up in hell.
After a few years of living as a hypocrite, my brother told me that he felt God had called him to start a bible study and that he wanted me to go along with him. I said to myself “you can’t be a pastor’s brother and live like you do”. So I decided to challenge God, “help me to fast from cursing for a month and I’ll see what it’s like to serve you”.
Stupid, I know. But I was a dumb kid and I loved cursing and if God was real, then He should be able to help me stop. He couldn’t stop my grandmother’s cancer, why would He stop me from cursing? Surprisingly, He did.
Every Tuesday my brother would lead his bible study and each time I was drawn into who God really is. I didn’t have all of my questions answered immediately, but the feeling I had when I heard the Bible preached made me feel whole and longing for more.
So after a few weeks of bible study, I decided to dedicate my life to Jesus and surrender to whatever He said. He answered that prayer and since that prayer, my desires changed, my outlook on life changed, and I began to hunger for what the Bible had to say.
God didn’t answer my prayer in a church or when I was living perfectly. He answered it in a dirty CiCi’s bathroom when I was living as a total hypocrite.
He didn’t answer the prayer for my grandmother’s cancer, but He did answer my prayer to heal my soul. In fact it wasn’t until later that I would discover my grandmother’s prayer journal that had a prayer before my birth, for me to serve the Lord. He didn’t answer my prayer to heal her, but He answered her prayers to heal me.
Maybe you haven’t seen God answer prayers or were like me, who prayed and was left in silence. Wherever you are in your search for God’s existence, I challenge you to try to have an honest and explicit conversation with God.
Don’t wish on God to do something, don’t ask Him to prove Himself, and don’t hold back. I challenge you to simply talk to Him, like another human being. That’s what prayer is, an honest conversation without filters and listening to what He has to say back.
I challenge you to ask Him to reveal Himself to you in the way He wants to. Then wait and if you don’t hear, see, or feel anything, ask Him throughout the day until He does.
You don’t have to be religious and you don’t have to even pray in a “holy” place. Go to your room, your car, or even in the shower and reach out to Him. He’s waiting for you.
Comments